This week was a tough one...I don't know why. Everything seemed a little more trying than usual at work and I swear my students tried to scare me out of Japan this weekend.
I'm teaching a new class that is basically designed around current events. I don't watch the news here, unless you want to count QVC, and I don't know much about the local news so I am always excited to find out from my students. This week, the talk of the town was of course Osama anti swag and surprise, surprise - the nuclear crisis in Japan.
One of my students made the grave mistake of telling me that they found radiation in the green tea plants that are grown in and around this area. Now I live super far from Fukushima...so this was a bit of a surprise. Lucky for me, I don't go around picking green tea plants and using them at home. And there was talk about keeping safe in the rain because there is radiation in the rain. Pssshhhtt! The rainy season is coming. *side-eye*
Then, in my last class on Saturday, a student said to me..."well you know there is an 87% chance that there will be a major earthquake (compared to Fukushima) in Kanagawa within the next year. I looked at him like, umm, WTF? Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. (TWhite...I miss you!) After listening to these people tell me how concerned they were about the structure of the facilites they work in, and the schools their children attend (that are over 100 years old, by the way), I felt like I had little to worry about. I still worried a bit though.
But what's the point of worrying everyday until something happens? What's the point of worrying at all? When it happens, IF it happens, all I can be is prepared. I feel like I'm getting used to the occassional movement of the Earth beneath my feet...and who couldn't use an extra arm? Or superhuman strength? Or the power to fly? LOL
So for now, I'll keep drinking bottled mineral water and keep an umbrella in my bag at all times.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
It's the little things...
It really IS all about the little things...like not being able to watch the news or the weather, so you always get stuck in the rain...or only having one channel (QVC) so you know all the new litte exercise fads and ugly old lady gear that is on the market, but NEVER what is happening in the country you live in unless someone tells you.
Perhaps even getting spit on, really IN. Getting spit on, IN the eye, by one of your favorite students while he is super duper excited about showing his mommy what he learned in class today. So...he has a wet mouth? So what?
So. Yuck.
The things that make life impossibly funny and difficult and annoying and...wait did I say funny? It is never really funny when it happens but I gotta tell you, even the spit in the eye thing got a laugh out of me shortly thereafter.
So maybe it is important to highlight the little quirks and quams of daily life so that you can appreciate them in the grand scheme of things. Maybe next time we are going over the lesson material, I'll stand next to my other favorite student...who doesn't spit. He just sneezes into the hand he uses most often. The lesser of two evils?
Aah...indeed...the little things.
Perhaps even getting spit on, really IN. Getting spit on, IN the eye, by one of your favorite students while he is super duper excited about showing his mommy what he learned in class today. So...he has a wet mouth? So what?
So. Yuck.
The things that make life impossibly funny and difficult and annoying and...wait did I say funny? It is never really funny when it happens but I gotta tell you, even the spit in the eye thing got a laugh out of me shortly thereafter.
So maybe it is important to highlight the little quirks and quams of daily life so that you can appreciate them in the grand scheme of things. Maybe next time we are going over the lesson material, I'll stand next to my other favorite student...who doesn't spit. He just sneezes into the hand he uses most often. The lesser of two evils?
Aah...indeed...the little things.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Space
Today, I needed to write. To create. I needed to put pen to paper and watch my feelings play out.
I woke up in a really strange space. I felt homesick and lonely and like there was a huge clock in my life that was suddenly running out of space to tick and tock. And so I wrote. At the end of it all, I suppose I don't feel entirely the same. But I feel like I needed to feel this. To connect with myself beyond the surface of being excited about being here. The glamour of the experience is far from over, but the reality of it is closing in.
I decided that there are things I NEED to do while I am here, to make me happy. Being here and experiencing Japan alone will never be enough for me. I need to buy a board. Skating has never felt more important than it does right now. It is new and urgent. I need to fall down and get back up. Over and over again. And do it until I can get on that board and feel good. I want it. Bad.
I need to write. Daily. I need to take time to put my feelings on paper. Those quiet walks home with the crickets as a soundtrack are cool, but the thoughts pass and the feelings don't.
I need, need, NEED to create and perform music. The End.
And lastly, I desperately need to learn Japanese. I went on a (horrible) date with someone yesterday who has been in Japan for seven years...He speaks enough Japanese to get by, but he can't read it and I don't think he is interested in learning. I can't let that happen. If I can do nothing else when I leave Japan, I want to be able to have a conversation, to read a word...to communicate with a stranger in Japanese.
So knowing is half the battle right? So they say. I know I need to write more.
I will keep writing today. Until things begin to feel sensible again. Tomorrow I will wake up, and smile. Musing at the oddities I felt today. Tomorrow, the space will be different.
Thanks for stopping by.
I woke up in a really strange space. I felt homesick and lonely and like there was a huge clock in my life that was suddenly running out of space to tick and tock. And so I wrote. At the end of it all, I suppose I don't feel entirely the same. But I feel like I needed to feel this. To connect with myself beyond the surface of being excited about being here. The glamour of the experience is far from over, but the reality of it is closing in.
I decided that there are things I NEED to do while I am here, to make me happy. Being here and experiencing Japan alone will never be enough for me. I need to buy a board. Skating has never felt more important than it does right now. It is new and urgent. I need to fall down and get back up. Over and over again. And do it until I can get on that board and feel good. I want it. Bad.
I need to write. Daily. I need to take time to put my feelings on paper. Those quiet walks home with the crickets as a soundtrack are cool, but the thoughts pass and the feelings don't.
I need, need, NEED to create and perform music. The End.
And lastly, I desperately need to learn Japanese. I went on a (horrible) date with someone yesterday who has been in Japan for seven years...He speaks enough Japanese to get by, but he can't read it and I don't think he is interested in learning. I can't let that happen. If I can do nothing else when I leave Japan, I want to be able to have a conversation, to read a word...to communicate with a stranger in Japanese.
So knowing is half the battle right? So they say. I know I need to write more.
I will keep writing today. Until things begin to feel sensible again. Tomorrow I will wake up, and smile. Musing at the oddities I felt today. Tomorrow, the space will be different.
Thanks for stopping by.
Emotions...
Here are some really specific journal entries...dates and all. Don't judge me. Just read them.
4.7.11. There was another earthquake last night and I was home alone. I actually stood in the doorway until it was over. It was a little long. As usual, I didn’t realize it was an earthquake until my mind started whirling around in my head. My biggest fear, right now, is that I have no phone -no net-no TV. What the hell would I do? Would Sean run over here and tell me we’re evacuating? How would I make sense of the tsunami warnings? So I listen for my non-English speaking neighbors. That is an awesome plan.
4.8.11
Its so windy today. Every time the wind blows I think there is an earthquake. It is just my line banging on my window. I miss my mornings and I still don’t have the hang of this routine. God I can’t wait to get a phone. I feel so disconnected. Only a few more days, I hope. 30 minutes to get ready.
4.14.11
Such a weird past couple of days. I’m realizing that I can never be myself around my coworkers. This tatemai and hone shit is real. I must always smile and laugh and never be frustrated. People will always ask me where I’m going, even if it’s just to the bathroom. I can’t understand that yet. There is no privacy. Everything in Japan has been such a process, getting this iPhone took two days of bank trips and a lot of complication at the store. This internet thing is driving me up the wall. I’m made to feel that it’s my fault I can’t get what I need. It’s my fault I don’t understand Japanese so I can’t get a bank account on my own. It’s my fault my English computer doesn’t work with the wireless device. I’m sure there are many other foreigners who come here with international devices that are compatible. I feel an urgent need to learn Japanese, and quickly so that I might get my independence back.
4.7.11. There was another earthquake last night and I was home alone. I actually stood in the doorway until it was over. It was a little long. As usual, I didn’t realize it was an earthquake until my mind started whirling around in my head. My biggest fear, right now, is that I have no phone -no net-no TV. What the hell would I do? Would Sean run over here and tell me we’re evacuating? How would I make sense of the tsunami warnings? So I listen for my non-English speaking neighbors. That is an awesome plan.
4.8.11
Its so windy today. Every time the wind blows I think there is an earthquake. It is just my line banging on my window. I miss my mornings and I still don’t have the hang of this routine. God I can’t wait to get a phone. I feel so disconnected. Only a few more days, I hope. 30 minutes to get ready.
4.14.11
Such a weird past couple of days. I’m realizing that I can never be myself around my coworkers. This tatemai and hone shit is real. I must always smile and laugh and never be frustrated. People will always ask me where I’m going, even if it’s just to the bathroom. I can’t understand that yet. There is no privacy. Everything in Japan has been such a process, getting this iPhone took two days of bank trips and a lot of complication at the store. This internet thing is driving me up the wall. I’m made to feel that it’s my fault I can’t get what I need. It’s my fault I don’t understand Japanese so I can’t get a bank account on my own. It’s my fault my English computer doesn’t work with the wireless device. I’m sure there are many other foreigners who come here with international devices that are compatible. I feel an urgent need to learn Japanese, and quickly so that I might get my independence back.
Tokyo Drift
I live and work about 90 minutes outside of Tokyo. So every weekend, I pack a backpack and head to the city. Tokyo is a totally different animal. When I get there, I feel different. I mean, as soon as I step off the train, my mind shifts gears and I’m in immediate get it in and survive mode. I go to Tokyo to kick it. Hard. And that’s what we do every time. Shibuya is like Brooklyn on a Saturday in the summertime. Everyone is out and about and doing something. Anything.
There is so much to do in Tokyo. SO much to see. I feel like even if we are just walking around, something exciting will happen. It is kind of weird because sometimes, something in me says, seek out the foreigners…you know it will be poppin’! LOL…and then we find some and of course they are CRAZY! They all are doing what we are doing. It is always interesting to see what everyone is doing here in Japan and why they came. There are definitely a group of standardized questions that we ask each other. And for once, it isn’t the automated business answer that you are required to give Japanese people when they ask you why you came.
So we go to Tokyo and hit an izakaya for food and drinks, and then a bar…and then maybe another bar or club. The whole thing about going to Tokyo is once you are out past 11:30, you are out for the night. There is no train after midnight so you had better be prepared to stay out until the morning. By 2:00am, everyone is in the same groove, just trying to make it to the morning.
So at 4:30, the first train leaves. And life in Tokyo begins again. If I can’t find somewhere to sleep, I’m on the 5am back to Odawara. And so I get on this train filled with business people headed to work, and drunk people (like me) trying to recover from the exploits of the past few hours…and everyone passes out. After being on the train for 3 minutes, most citizens pass OUT. It is hilarious, actually. And like clockwork, they wake up at the exact moment they need to get off the train. I always fear oversleeping…but I have noticed on the last couple of trips that I wake up at Shin Matsuda without fail. Right on time to switch trains.
I think I’m turning Japanese.
I really think so.
There is so much to do in Tokyo. SO much to see. I feel like even if we are just walking around, something exciting will happen. It is kind of weird because sometimes, something in me says, seek out the foreigners…you know it will be poppin’! LOL…and then we find some and of course they are CRAZY! They all are doing what we are doing. It is always interesting to see what everyone is doing here in Japan and why they came. There are definitely a group of standardized questions that we ask each other. And for once, it isn’t the automated business answer that you are required to give Japanese people when they ask you why you came.
So we go to Tokyo and hit an izakaya for food and drinks, and then a bar…and then maybe another bar or club. The whole thing about going to Tokyo is once you are out past 11:30, you are out for the night. There is no train after midnight so you had better be prepared to stay out until the morning. By 2:00am, everyone is in the same groove, just trying to make it to the morning.
So at 4:30, the first train leaves. And life in Tokyo begins again. If I can’t find somewhere to sleep, I’m on the 5am back to Odawara. And so I get on this train filled with business people headed to work, and drunk people (like me) trying to recover from the exploits of the past few hours…and everyone passes out. After being on the train for 3 minutes, most citizens pass OUT. It is hilarious, actually. And like clockwork, they wake up at the exact moment they need to get off the train. I always fear oversleeping…but I have noticed on the last couple of trips that I wake up at Shin Matsuda without fail. Right on time to switch trains.
I think I’m turning Japanese.
I really think so.
School...
Japanese kids are so cute…but no matter how cute any kid is, there is a universal rule; kids are terrorists. The kids here are so independent. They ride the train alone, and are out later than usual. They ball check each other and put there hands on other people’s private parts. Perhaps it is the reservation of Japanese culture that this perversion has evolved from. Let’s take the young girls for instance. They walk around with skirts barely covering their bottoms and thigh high socks. That is their uniform. I see 12 year old girls that can’t walk up the stairs without their hands behind their back because you will be able to see straight up their skirts. It is such a strange phenomenon because they project this repulsive innocence. Oli and I always joke about how we just want to see Japanese people get dirty and disorganized. On the flip side…that’s totally why I am here. That’s what makes this country so approachable. The rules and the structure and the organization and the tradition, amidst technology that is unfathomable and conveniences no one else in the world has thought to create.
Repression, humility, organization and politics.
All in all, I think it is safe to say I am falling for Japan.
...Maybe.
Repression, humility, organization and politics.
All in all, I think it is safe to say I am falling for Japan.
...Maybe.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
The Commuter
When I was a little girl and I first came to America, New York specifically, I wanted to be nothing more than a businesswoman who took the train to work in the city and back to her retreat in the suburbs at night. I’m talking sneaker changes to heels back to sneakers and a suit. I don’t know what kind of business I dreamed of conducting, but I looked pretty official. Even in my dreams. The suits were always gray or black or brown. Power colors. Strong colors…depressing colors. Colors I can’t really see myself wearing everyday, or really that I am not allowed to wear. So the dream changes. And don’t they all.
Everyday I get the privilege of walking to the train (actually, I usually run) in my loafers and taking it two stops to work and I get to do it again at night. This literally takes a grand total of 15 minutes...11 if I am running. Granted, it isn’t a nice trip from the suburbs to Manhattan every single day but I like it. This tiny change in my routine does give me the feeling of retreating to my little apartment every night. It is my safe haven. Here, I can just chill. No suit, no worries. Maybe I’ll wear my running shoes to work and start changing into my loafers once I get there.
Outrun some old ladies on bicycles.
Everyday I get the privilege of walking to the train (actually, I usually run) in my loafers and taking it two stops to work and I get to do it again at night. This literally takes a grand total of 15 minutes...11 if I am running. Granted, it isn’t a nice trip from the suburbs to Manhattan every single day but I like it. This tiny change in my routine does give me the feeling of retreating to my little apartment every night. It is my safe haven. Here, I can just chill. No suit, no worries. Maybe I’ll wear my running shoes to work and start changing into my loafers once I get there.
Outrun some old ladies on bicycles.
Fuji from My Front Door
So I live in a small town. It is pretty quiet. Everything in it is small. When I tell Japanese people where I live, they go “EEEHHHHH”…which to me equates to “WTF?!” There are some really nice things about this town. I can see the stars at night. When I walk home, it is so ridiculously quiet that I can hear every animal that is out in the field that night. I can hear neighbors washing dishes and getting their homes ready for bed. I get to reflect on my thoughts and how they translate into feelings every single day. It gives me clarity. Immense clarity on a daily basis. I’d say it is a blessing in disguise because sometimes it gets so quiet I can hear the silent screams for city life. And then I’m reminded that there is always the weekend.
Every morning I wake up (and put on my makeup-j/k), I go out to my front door and look to the left, in the hopes of seeing the crown of Mt. Fuji. It is such a majestic, perfect reminder of how much bigger than me life is. It makes me thankful for so many things. Thankful that I stayed. Thankful that I live here, in this small town…old people rice field mountain town. Old ladies speed by me on their bikes everyday.
Some days, especially days I am running a little behind and I am booking it for my train, I swear those bikes have motors.
Every morning I wake up (and put on my makeup-j/k), I go out to my front door and look to the left, in the hopes of seeing the crown of Mt. Fuji. It is such a majestic, perfect reminder of how much bigger than me life is. It makes me thankful for so many things. Thankful that I stayed. Thankful that I live here, in this small town…old people rice field mountain town. Old ladies speed by me on their bikes everyday.
Some days, especially days I am running a little behind and I am booking it for my train, I swear those bikes have motors.
Retrospect
GOD! It is SO hard to write this blog in my rear view. It’s like when I’m reversing, I always have to turn all the way around and put my arm around the passenger seat to get my bearings. When I’m facing it, I can do anything.
Over the last few weeks, and perhaps in preparation for this very instance, I jot down thoughts and ideas about my experiences here in Japan. So here are a couple of my journal entries from the past few weeks. I can do anything.
Over the last few weeks, and perhaps in preparation for this very instance, I jot down thoughts and ideas about my experiences here in Japan. So here are a couple of my journal entries from the past few weeks. I can do anything.
Resident Evil
The House
The training house is a dormitory on top and a training facility on the bottom. I feel like I’m in college again, living in a dorm with all different types of people. So we get professionally dressed, report downstairs and put on house shoes, and pretend to work for 8 hours. Then we retire upstairs to our rooms. We sleep on futons, two or three to a room and so we get to know each other fairly well. Everyday we go to the Tobu…which is the local grocery store. I swear, if heaven had a grocery store, it would be called Tobu. They have everything you need (except a damn sewing kit, but thank God for Lyndsey). We get food, boos, and toiletries from the Tobu. What else could you require?
I have met so many interesting people here. It is so strange being in this forced social situation. I’m convinced the company I work for is a cult of like minded cool people. It is so strange getting to know someone in three days and feeling like you cannot spend the next year without them. I know for sure that some of these people will be a part of my life until the end of time. I’m happy about that. We train together, we eat together, we sleep together…we drink together…there is barely time to sit alone for a moment, but it’s totally possible to feel lonely. Being here makes me realize that I know exactly who I am, and I can’t complain about that.
The training house is a dormitory on top and a training facility on the bottom. I feel like I’m in college again, living in a dorm with all different types of people. So we get professionally dressed, report downstairs and put on house shoes, and pretend to work for 8 hours. Then we retire upstairs to our rooms. We sleep on futons, two or three to a room and so we get to know each other fairly well. Everyday we go to the Tobu…which is the local grocery store. I swear, if heaven had a grocery store, it would be called Tobu. They have everything you need (except a damn sewing kit, but thank God for Lyndsey). We get food, boos, and toiletries from the Tobu. What else could you require?
I have met so many interesting people here. It is so strange being in this forced social situation. I’m convinced the company I work for is a cult of like minded cool people. It is so strange getting to know someone in three days and feeling like you cannot spend the next year without them. I know for sure that some of these people will be a part of my life until the end of time. I’m happy about that. We train together, we eat together, we sleep together…we drink together…there is barely time to sit alone for a moment, but it’s totally possible to feel lonely. Being here makes me realize that I know exactly who I am, and I can’t complain about that.
The first two weeks...
So...
After the earthquake, everything went crazy. Parents started worrying and teachers started going home. So we went to Okayama.
Okayama is a beautiful city way west...4 hours by bullet train. Earthquake and radiation free. In Okayama, we felt safe. Distracted. Strangely enough, still stressed and worried. Our training experience was so unique because I don't think any of us were really there. We just went through the motions to keep from thinking about the situation in Sendai. And maybe we all wanted to be okay so our loved ones would be okay too.
It is a funny feeling, being in a new country and having a brand new safety net yanked from underneath you. Our only comfort was each other. I think we all have the potential to get completely lost in our thoughts, and our minds can be our biggest enemy...so overthinking was the one thing that I tried to avoid in Okayama.
We were going out every night and we actually made friends in Okayama. Friends that we still talk to even now...which is really cool. We went to bars and sometimes going out just meant grabbing some road beers and walking around for a couple hours. Or all you can drink karaoke...in two hours. So we had to get our money's worth. For sure. Fun. And crazy.
That karaoke night will live in infamy, actually. When we got there, one of my friends wiped out across a table and we couldn't laugh because we were so worried about her...she bounced right back like nothing happen, busted lip and all. I, who think falling is the funniest thing of all time, made sure she was okay and then promptly excused myself to the restroom and chuckled. I fessed up about it later because I felt bad and she was totally cool about it. Love her.
A couple of people left that I really miss. I really wanted the opportunity to learn from and about them...and we still talk on facebook but I really wish they were here. One person in particular, who I never thought I would miss this much, I think about everyday...I just want to pick up the phone and call her. Maybe she'll change my life and come back in six months...hint hint.
Miss you, Ash.
And so one week in Okayama and we HAD to go to our schools. If we stayed another day we may have turned the system on it's ear. As if it wasn't discombobulated enough, right. So goodbye safety net. Goodbye Okayama...see you later, friends.
Tuesday, March 22...off to Odawara.
After the earthquake, everything went crazy. Parents started worrying and teachers started going home. So we went to Okayama.
Okayama is a beautiful city way west...4 hours by bullet train. Earthquake and radiation free. In Okayama, we felt safe. Distracted. Strangely enough, still stressed and worried. Our training experience was so unique because I don't think any of us were really there. We just went through the motions to keep from thinking about the situation in Sendai. And maybe we all wanted to be okay so our loved ones would be okay too.
It is a funny feeling, being in a new country and having a brand new safety net yanked from underneath you. Our only comfort was each other. I think we all have the potential to get completely lost in our thoughts, and our minds can be our biggest enemy...so overthinking was the one thing that I tried to avoid in Okayama.
We were going out every night and we actually made friends in Okayama. Friends that we still talk to even now...which is really cool. We went to bars and sometimes going out just meant grabbing some road beers and walking around for a couple hours. Or all you can drink karaoke...in two hours. So we had to get our money's worth. For sure. Fun. And crazy.
That karaoke night will live in infamy, actually. When we got there, one of my friends wiped out across a table and we couldn't laugh because we were so worried about her...she bounced right back like nothing happen, busted lip and all. I, who think falling is the funniest thing of all time, made sure she was okay and then promptly excused myself to the restroom and chuckled. I fessed up about it later because I felt bad and she was totally cool about it. Love her.
A couple of people left that I really miss. I really wanted the opportunity to learn from and about them...and we still talk on facebook but I really wish they were here. One person in particular, who I never thought I would miss this much, I think about everyday...I just want to pick up the phone and call her. Maybe she'll change my life and come back in six months...hint hint.
Miss you, Ash.
And so one week in Okayama and we HAD to go to our schools. If we stayed another day we may have turned the system on it's ear. As if it wasn't discombobulated enough, right. So goodbye safety net. Goodbye Okayama...see you later, friends.
Tuesday, March 22...off to Odawara.
More than Words
It has been two months since my last blog entry. In the wake of the greatest natural disaster Japan has ever seen, it has been difficult to collect enough thoughts that can be articulated into words to describe what is happening to me everyday.
On March 11, 2011, one of the largest earthquakes of all time quite literally rocked Japan. It was so large that it moved the coast of Japan 10 meters and shifted the Earth’s axis. The devastation that followed was incredible. There was a massive tsunami that caused massive destruction in Sendai, and created a nuclear situation that more than one month later, has yet to be resolved. In spite of all this chaos, I have managed to form lifelong friendships with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. Not only were they there to share in this experience with me, but they were also there to help me through it. This experience has been crazy, to say the least. In Atlanta, there are no earthquakes or tsunamis or nuclear reactors. So to say it’s ironic that I came to Japan and all this happens three days later is quite the understatement. This catastrophe has certainly changed whatever experience I was going to have in Japan, perhaps even shapes it as it evolves daily.
On March 11, 2011, one of the largest earthquakes of all time quite literally rocked Japan. It was so large that it moved the coast of Japan 10 meters and shifted the Earth’s axis. The devastation that followed was incredible. There was a massive tsunami that caused massive destruction in Sendai, and created a nuclear situation that more than one month later, has yet to be resolved. In spite of all this chaos, I have managed to form lifelong friendships with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. Not only were they there to share in this experience with me, but they were also there to help me through it. This experience has been crazy, to say the least. In Atlanta, there are no earthquakes or tsunamis or nuclear reactors. So to say it’s ironic that I came to Japan and all this happens three days later is quite the understatement. This catastrophe has certainly changed whatever experience I was going to have in Japan, perhaps even shapes it as it evolves daily.
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