Space

Today, I needed to write. To create. I needed to put pen to paper and watch my feelings play out.
I woke up in a really strange space. I felt homesick and lonely and like there was a huge clock in my life that was suddenly running out of space to tick and tock. And so I wrote. At the end of it all, I suppose I don't feel entirely the same. But I feel like I needed to feel this. To connect with myself beyond the surface of being excited about being here. The glamour of the experience is far from over, but the reality of it is closing in.
I decided that there are things I NEED to do while I am here, to make me happy. Being here and experiencing Japan alone will never be enough for me. I need to buy a board. Skating has never felt more important than it does right now. It is new and urgent. I need to fall down and get back up. Over and over again. And do it until I can get on that board and feel good. I want it. Bad.
I need to write. Daily. I need to take time to put my feelings on paper. Those quiet walks home with the crickets as a soundtrack are cool, but the thoughts pass and the feelings don't.
I need, need, NEED to create and perform music. The End.
And lastly, I desperately need to learn Japanese. I went on a (horrible) date with someone yesterday who has been in Japan for seven years...He speaks enough Japanese to get by, but he can't read it and I don't think he is interested in learning. I can't let that happen. If I can do nothing else when I leave Japan, I want to be able to have a conversation, to read a word...to communicate with a stranger in Japanese.
So knowing is half the battle right? So they say. I know I need to write more.
I will keep writing today. Until things begin to feel sensible again. Tomorrow I will wake up, and smile. Musing at the oddities I felt today. Tomorrow, the space will be different.
Thanks for stopping by.