Emotions...

Here are some really specific journal entries...dates and all. Don't judge me. Just read them.
4.7.11. There was another earthquake last night and I was home alone. I actually stood in the doorway until it was over. It was a little long. As usual, I didn’t realize it was an earthquake until my mind started whirling around in my head. My biggest fear, right now, is that I have no phone -no net-no TV. What the hell would I do? Would Sean run over here and tell me we’re evacuating? How would I make sense of the tsunami warnings? So I listen for my non-English speaking neighbors. That is an awesome plan.
4.8.11
Its so windy today. Every time the wind blows I think there is an earthquake. It is just my line banging on my window. I miss my mornings and I still don’t have the hang of this routine. God I can’t wait to get a phone. I feel so disconnected. Only a few more days, I hope. 30 minutes to get ready.
4.14.11
Such a weird past couple of days. I’m realizing that I can never be myself around my coworkers. This tatemai and hone shit is real. I must always smile and laugh and never be frustrated. People will always ask me where I’m going, even if it’s just to the bathroom. I can’t understand that yet. There is no privacy. Everything in Japan has been such a process, getting this iPhone took two days of bank trips and a lot of complication at the store. This internet thing is driving me up the wall. I’m made to feel that it’s my fault I can’t get what I need. It’s my fault I don’t understand Japanese so I can’t get a bank account on my own. It’s my fault my English computer doesn’t work with the wireless device. I’m sure there are many other foreigners who come here with international devices that are compatible. I feel an urgent need to learn Japanese, and quickly so that I might get my independence back.